An interview with dominatrix Mx. Tomie and professional submissive Maeby West.
Mx. Tomie sits down with Maeby West — professional femboy sub, femdom content creator, and self-described “epilator girl” — for a wide-ranging conversation about submission, femininity, and the BDSM journey. They cover everything from Maeby’s earliest erotic memories and his pandemic-era gender exploration, to the politics of sissification, the learning curve of femme fashion, and advice for subs navigating the kink world. It’s candid, funny, and genuinely thoughtful.
Introductions
Tomie: Hello Tomie fans. We are here today with the one and only Maeby West, all dressed up. So cute. Maeby, do you want to introduce yourself?
Maeby: I am Maeby West. I make femdom porn that looks fun for the dom.
Tomie: Maeby is a pro sub and we’re going to be doing some collabs today. He’s here to fulfill my fantasy of shooting a really cute Lolita-like fem photo set and video. How did you get into this?
Maeby: So I have been submissive since before I knew that was a word — and kinky for just as long. In terms of the gender side of things, that kind of came out during the pandemic, where I found myself with lots of time and missing a lot of the connection and outlet for exhibitionism that I used to get from parties in New York. That came out with me messing around with film and fashion and kind of realizing, damn, I have good legs — and sort of rolling with it from there.
Getting Into Kink: First Memories
Tomie: Yeah, we all did a lot of exploration during COVID, didn’t we? What’s your first memory of knowing that you were submissive and liked feminization?
Maeby: So my first memory — it’s actually one of the first little fragments of a memory I have of anything. I was like four or five years old. I’m very imaginative; I build whole little worlds in my brain. And in this one, we were in this big castle, like a Disney sort of cavernesque room, and there was a conveyor belt running along the outside of it. On the conveyor belt were a bunch of boys lying head to toe. The reason I remember this is it was the first time I ever got a boner. I didn’t know what that meant or anything, but I had this very vivid fantasy of all the boys on their little assembly line. And in the middle, congregating, having champagne or whatever, were a bunch of women — and they would come over and kind of pick us up. [laughter]
Tomie: That’s so cute.
Maeby: And honestly I have no idea what they did with us, but — yeah. It’s really like a Barbie doll fantasy in a lot of ways.
Tomie: I always love that question because it says so much about everyone’s BDSM journey. This is your first time getting fully styled up. How do you feel with the wig and lashes and nails all together — courtesy of Bad Boy Rory, as always?
Maeby: I’m amazed. I feel very in my element. What’s interesting is that before, I never really thought of myself as attractive when I was presenting purely masculine. I grew up in the south with a very fixed idea of what masculinity meant, and I never quite fit that. I’ve always been a little bit feminine in my mannerisms. So realizing I could be hot in a feminine way was a revolutionary thing for me. I don’t identify as trans; I don’t have any dysphoria around being a boy. And yet I’ve always been drawn to push the envelope and ask, how feminine can I get? So this is another chapter in that journey, and I’m excited to lean into it.
Femininity as Power
Tomie: What do you love most about feminization?
Maeby: Because what’s interesting to me is that I feel powerful when I’m femmed up in a way I don’t when I’m presenting masculine.
Tomie: Say more about that.
Maeby: There’s a boyishness in me, and when I’m connecting with someone from a submissive place, they’re getting at that boyishness. I’m submitting that boyishness to them. Femininity has always just stood for power in my mind. And what’s thrilling about looking and feeling fem myself is — oh wait, is that power kind of in me now?
Maeby: Yeah. And it’s interesting — I do some femdom work as well. I’ve noticed that when I’m getting into a dom space, I get very, very girlish. Like I’m always a little girlish in my mannerisms, but I go full-on brat girl.
Tomie: Yeah, that is a lot of fun.
Feminization vs. Sissification
Tomie: I think in the crossdressing space there’s a divide between feminization and sissification. Some doms participate in empowered feminization but not sissification — which includes the humiliation and degradation elements. How do you approach it? My issue is that I think it’s inherently misogynistic, because anytime the narrative is “you came in here a man and we are going to reduce you to the status of a woman by sissifying you” — that’s just inherently misogynistic. Period.
Maeby: Yeah, and I think that narrative pervades the vast majority of porn out there that deals with feminization, and a lot of fantasies too. I know a lot of people who just don’t even want to touch that space because they don’t want to go down a misogynistic route. I think it takes a lot of unpacking, especially for a new client coming in — it would take time to build confidence in where they’re actually coming from.
Tomie: Yeah. I find with a lot of clients who are into sissification — online or in person — sometimes the only way for them to tap into their more feminine side is first through humiliation and degradation, and then they can move along that spectrum of discovering what it means to themselves.
Maeby: Interesting. So the humiliation is almost like a precursor to —
Tomie: It’s almost like it’s their only way of relating to that side of themselves initially. I often find it’s perhaps a gateway for some people. But you can tell when someone’s deep in that very preconditioned space — it’s very different from someone for whom it’s just a first step. What do you think is the biggest misconception about femboys? I think there’s a misconception — similar to the one about bi guys, that they’re all secretly gay — that femboys are all just trans girls who haven’t transitioned yet.
Maeby: Right, and in my mind those are completely separate things. Being a femboy isn’t about identity; it’s not about having any conflict with my boyishness. It’s purely a presentation thing — a social, subversive thing. Another misconception I probably don’t help dispel is that we’re all [censored]. [laughter] We are not helping with that misconception today.
Tomie: Only some of us are big [censored]. [laughter] My crowd is self-selecting at this point.
What Makes You Feel Most Feminine?
Tomie: I would love to know what makes you feel most feminine — it doesn’t have to be clothing. It can be something you do, a perfume, anything.
Maeby: That’s interesting. Shaving my legs. Actually — I’m an epilator girl. And there’s something about epilating that hurts a little bit.
Tomie: For anyone who doesn’t know — it’s like shaving but it’s an electronic machine that pulls the hair out from the follicle. Little rotating head with tiny teeth that grab each hair and pluck it out by the root.
Maeby: Yeah. It’s painful. But if you have coarser hair on your legs, shaving doesn’t stick for that long. Epilating pulls it out by the root, so my legs are never smoother than when I epilate. And there’s something about that pain that feels like I am literally ripping the masculinity out of my body from the root. And that’s kind of hot.
Tomie: Something I love making my femboys do is shave head to toe, then lotion up and get into a silk sheet or silk underwear. Be gentle on yourself.
Maeby: It is a massive learning process. Being femme is hard.
Tomie: There’s a lot more that goes into it than just presenting masculine. Everything you learn reveals ten other things you still have to learn — which is one of my favorite things about it.
Maeby: Be easy on yourself. You’re not going to be good at it at first, and probably not for a while — but it’s worth it. It’s a fun journey to go on.
The Feminization Learning Curve
Tomie: What was some of that learning curve for you — where you want to try one thing and find out you have to learn ten other things?
Maeby: Fashion.
Maeby: Mhm. [laughter] Like heels — I was so proud the first time I wore wedges, seeing what they did to my legs. Then you put on pumps for the first time and realize that is a completely different thing to walk in.
Tomie: Yes.
Maeby: Style in general is one of those things where the better you get, the more you realize how much better you could be. My fashion sense started off very crude —
Tomie: As we all do.
Maeby: As we all do. I look back at stuff I wore my first year being femme and I’m like, “Yeah, girl.” [laughter]
Tomie: Give us an outfit breakdown! What were you wearing your first year of being femme?
Maeby: I was just — too much, in the beginning. [laughter] The fact that I had pretty legs was such a revolutionary discovery for me, I just wanted to show them off. I came to it from a place of male privilege, which gave me a huge degree of safety — I could walk around New York showing more without putting my safety in jeopardy in the way I otherwise would. I wore a lot of very short dresses and skirts. In time I came to appreciate what volume can do for you, and the art of leaving something to the imagination — letting people paint a picture of you rather than seeing the whole thing.
Tomie: The art of the tease.
Maeby: The art of the tease. Yeah.
First Feminization Session
Tomie: What was your first ever feminization session?
Maeby: It’s an interesting question — I’ve never really done a feminization session per se. I’m always a femboy; it’s just part of who I am, the context in which all of my scenes happen. The first shoot where I really femmed it up was with my good friend Charlie Kicks. This was my first shoot after the pandemic, and she had me wear this red bodysuit. I felt very much like a doll baby, like a Barbie doll.
Tomie: Like a Ken doll getting dressed up in Barbie clothes.
Maeby: Yeah. And that dynamic — I was very here for it. I like feeling like a toy.
Rapid Fire
Tomie: Okay, some rapid fire questions. Most overrated feminization item?
Maeby: Big, silly-looking bras. Those double-D plastic chest plates — yeah, no. Not for me.
Tomie: What advice would you give to a new sub looking for the right domme?
Maeby: Be honest about where you are. You might not know exactly what you’re looking for — be honest about that too. Let them guide.
Tomie: What’s a femdom red flag people should watch out for?
Maeby: When dominance comes early and out of context. Dominance and submission are roles we’re consenting to in a very specific context. If someone is being super dominant in the DMs before you’ve even had a consent conversation — that’s a flag.
Tomie: Favorite toy as a femboy?
Maeby: I’m not that much of a size queen — I’d say a good 7 to 8 inches. Overly large dildos are overrated. It’s more for the look and fantasy of it, but in reality it doesn’t feel good for anyone — not for the top either, trying to swing that thing around. I’m not here to lift weights. I would 100 times rather be fucked really well than be fucked by something too big. Skill over size, always.
Final Thoughts
Tomie: Any last thing you’d love for the Tomie community to know about you?
Maeby: Just that I’m here. I’m Maeby West, I’m back in New York for the first time after being gone for a long time, and I would love to connect.
Tomie: Connect with Maeby West — you can find him online. We’ll link his socials in the bio. And I can’t wait to get to shooting.
Maeby: Bye!
