This is a transcript of Mx Tomie’s interview with her submissive, Tommy S/Tomie Simp. To see the full video, head to Mx Tomie’s Youtube Channel.
Mx Tomie: Welcome back to my YouTube channel. Today, we have Tomie Simp, also known as Tommy S, joining us. Welcome, Tommy!
Tomie Simp: Thank you for having me.
Mx Tomie: How did you find me?
Tomie Simp: I found you through some collaborations you did with other performers, and then I saw you on Only Fans. One day, you randomly messaged me, and I was impressed that you remembered what I did for a living.
Mx Tomie: That was a year ago, in July. What do you do for a living?
Tomie Simp: I’m a grad student, finishing my doctorate soon, and I hope to work in finance afterwards. I’m really good at math.
Mx Tomie: I remember when you dropped me a brief message about your dissertation defense. My advisor was curious about who you were.
Tomie Simp: (laughs) Yeah, I remember that.
Mx Tomie: What made you feel safe to submit to me?
Tomie Simp: During our first interaction, I was careful and cautious. You were attentive and didn’t push me beyond my limits. I’ve had experiences with other doms who crossed the line, making it no longer fun or consensual.
Mx Tomie: I’m glad we had a good dynamic. Do you want to talk about those experiences and how it feels different when you find the right dom for you?
Tomie Simp: Yeah, it’s hard to tell where the line is, but generally, you know if a dom doesn’t listen to your needs or does things just because they want to. It takes a skilled dom to be attentive and intuitive to a sub’s needs.
Mx Tomie: I try to leave negative personal emotions outside of the scene. What do you remember about the exact moment you knew you wanted to serve me?
Tomie Simp: I met you at Anime NYC, and during the interview process, I was like, “This woman is something else.” I definitely wanted to keep serving and interacting with you.
Mx Tomie: I’m excited to hear that. I cosplay at Anime NYC every year, and this year, I want to do a group costume where all my subs cosplay as the subs from Prison School, and I’ll be one of the characters.
Tomie Simp: That sounds like a lot of fun. I’d love to be a part of it.
Mx Tomie: When was your submissive awakening? When did you realize you weren’t vanilla?
Tomie Simp: I think it was freshman year of college. During a class debate, one of my female classmates got annoyed at me and said she wanted to slap me in the face. I was like, “Okay,” and she slapped me. I got a boner and was like, “What?” I didn’t have a healthy in real-life dynamic until then.
Mx Tomie: Well, a healthy in-real-life dynamic… until I met you. Did you ever try to deny your submissive side?
TomieSimp: Honestly, no. Mainly because I’ve always found partners who were able to help me with that and were interested in it. Like, my current partner is also very interested in it. I’ve never felt the need to deny it.
Mx Tomie: Yeah, I think life is always a little better when you’re honest with your needs and desires. And that’s something I’ve always liked about your submission. It’s always very clear when you have certain lines, like, “These are hard limits.” Sometimes subs have a hard time finding that, and it makes it a lot easier when a sub knows exactly where it is.
TomieSimp: Sometimes I’ve noticed some male subs are like, “Oh, I don’t have any limits.”
Mx Tomie: And I’m like, “Yes, you do, but you just don’t know them.” And I think it’s healthy to have boundaries and limits. Knowing yourself in that way shows you have a submission, but also an ego worth protecting.
Mx Tomie: What surprised you most about yourself after our first scene?
TomieSimp: The fact that I was okay with that. Because I remember that one was probably the most intense we’ve done. You blindfolded me right away, and then you kept hitting me with a whip, which was very fun. I was surprised I was willing to go through with all that and didn’t safeword or anything. I was like, “Oh wow.”
Mx Tomie: So you took it for about 20-ish minutes?
TomieSimp: Which was really fun.
Mx Tomie: You took it well. Should I tell the last part, or…
TomieSimp: Let’s leave a little up to the imagination.
Mx Tomie: Let’s just say… there was some red. A lot.
Mx Tomie: What kind of sub archetype do you identify with? I know you’re a bit of a masochist.
TomieSimp: I’d say much more of a service sub. Not trying to throw shade, but there are certain subs who have a very particular list of fetishes they like. I’m a bit of a masochist, but not extreme. I generally prefer to do things to help my Dom. I like being useful, like cleaning a house or making dinner.
Mx Tomie: And you are a very good service sub.
TomieSimp: Yeah.
Mx Tomie: It’s really nice to find one who’s genuine about it. If you want to make a good impression on a Dom, bring out your service side. The more practically helpful you are in her life, the more likely the dynamic will flourish.
Mx Tomie: Has being one of my subs changed your idea of masculinity?
TomieSimp: I never had very strong traditional views on masculinity, but it’s definitely helped me explore the service side of things. It made me realize, “Oh, this is the type of partner I want to be, the kind of sub I want to be.” I’m not sure if I’ve changed my opinion on masculinity in general.
Mx Tomie: I think that’s an important question because a lot of cishet men see submission as something a traditionally masculine man doesn’t do. But in my experience, the healthiest expressions of masculinity involve being able to show vulnerability and let go of control sometimes.
Mx Tomie: What advice would you give someone just discovering their submissive side?
TomieSimp: One, erotic videos and pornography are very pretty-looking, but they don’t reflect everything. Main advice for men: don’t view porn as real life. Also, be a little picky. A lot of male subs aren’t picky with Doms. They see any attractive dominant woman as, “Oh, this is somebody worth being submissive to.” That’s not a good idea.
Mx Tomie: One, she might not actually be a good Dom. Two, I assume it’s very unattractive to have someone who treats you like just a hole or an object to fulfill fantasies.
TomieSimp: If you’re trying to find a Dom yourself, honestly, it’s probably easier to find a vanilla partner first, then see if they’re interested in BDSM. Don’t just go on FetLife and spam message every Dom.
Mx Tomie: So, relationship-building first?
TomieSimp: Yes. Creating trust, broaching the topic of kinks when your partner feels ready.
Mx Tomie: That sounds very reasonable. Now, for people in vanilla relationships where they’ve brought up BDSM and their partner isn’t comfortable… what’s the best way to handle that?
TomieSimp: I don’t have a lot of experience there, because when I did it in a vanilla relationship, it went the other way. But the thing is, you just have to respect the other person. If they’re not into it, It’s a really bad idea to try and force it. Worst-case scenario, if they’re not interested in it, you could try an open relationship. I imagine it’s not a good idea to try and suppress that.
Mx Tomie: I agree. That’s also why I think I have my job. You know, I see a lot of people who are in partner relationships and they see a dom like me because I fulfill a very specific space in their life. But they still love their girlfriend, boyfriend, you know, whoever. That keeps things very sort of clear and manageable for people.
Mx Tomie: To your question around being picky about the dom, what should a sub look for in a dom?
TomieSimp: Most important thing is somebody who understands boundaries and is willing to stay within those boundaries. Because being a sub, even though as a man versus a woman, usually you are physically stronger than them, there’s still a lot of emotional vulnerability and even physical vulnerability. Like, if you’re tied up and somebody decides to start stabbing you, like, there’s not much you can do about that. You do have to understand and make sure that the other person understands boundaries, is willing to stay within those boundaries, and does not break them. Also, just making sure that there’s similar kinks, you know, like if you are really into diapers or something and the other person is not, that is not going to work.
Mx Tomie: Absolutely. And to close out are there any questions that you have for me?
TomieSimp: Potentially, what do you look for personally in a sub, or what would your advice be to, you know, potential submissives as to how to approach somebody like you?
Mx Tomie: I think every sub brings out a different facet of my personality, and so I have this sort of like wide range of capacities to be really curious and interested in people. For subs who tend to be in my close circle, um, they are consistent, they show up for my needs, they go above and beyond to be useful in my life, to make sure that, um, this you know, sort of empire that I’m building. And I think a lot of my close-ups are people who are like investing in me and co-building this, like, world with me. They understand that ambition, they understand the vision, and they just want to be part of that. Um, so that’s really important. And then, obviously, there’s like the case-by-case basis of chemistry, play. You know, I’m a hard sadist, so I always tend to gravitate towards subs who can take a bit of my sadism, as you, as you know, as you have experienced.
Subs who have a good understanding of their own emotions, uh, is important to be able to self-reflect, self-regulate. And I tend to like subs who have a robust personal life. I have such a strong personality, it can sometimes fill up a lot of a person’s, you know, head space and life. And I like them to have a robust personal life, so that I’m not 100% of everything all the time. I can be 100% of everything, you know, within certain spaces or in a scene or, you know, maybe even weeks or months at a time, but at the end of the day, I want you to be able to have a life that you’re proud of. You know, my presence contributes to that.
Yeah, any closing thoughts for the Tomie community?
TomieSimp: Um, just keep on keeping on, y’all are great. Yeah, yeah, you guys are great.
